When I say major I mean major.
If I lived on my own a plan like the Rainbow diet would easily work.
But I don't.
I don't know what the day might bring.
Therefor I can't plan anything.
For instance... my grandpa went to visit his brother before it was even 3 o'clock AM.
I ended up having to be with my grandma all day.
Which means eating in front of her.
Half an apple for lunch?
No. That would never work here.
Breakfast, yeah, I handled that easily. She didn't see me put the other half back in the fridge.
So what did I have for lunch & dinner instead?
I'm too embarrassed to say.
It's that bad.
It was all way too much.
And you know what?
Fuck plans.
I'll re-do this ABC day tomorrow (not the mistakes) and eat when I have to.
If I can skip breakfast I'll do it in a heartbeat.
If I can bring my lunch into my room I'll do it.
If I can sit at the computer and wrap up my dinner I'll do it.
Lunch is the hardest part.
I can't retreat into my room everyday.
It would look too weird.
I also can't walk on the treadmill for more than a half hour.
I have nowhere to jump rope.
My floors creak.
I can't keep going in and out of the bathroom.
But you know what was the worst part of my day though?
I couldn't even purge.
Trust me, I tried.
I got on my knees, grabbed my toothbrush, and... nothing.
I just kneeled there awhile.
I'm so pathetic.
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hey don't feel bad it wasn't your choice.
ReplyDeleteI eat in front of family and I always think, gaining a few pounds now i can lose again is so so much better than them finding out about ana, becuause that would end in treatment which is gaining a lot of pounds.
just forget it happpened and think positive.